Recycled Claptrap
Author: AF Duncan
May 4th, 2004
Well folks, I guess your friendly neighborhood webmaster Steve Gerding has finally gotten around to cleaning out his hard drive or something, because he’s forced me — at gun AND penis point — to post a moldy old-y column of mine concerning the once-cloudy future of Vertigo.
Please keep in mind this was way back during a dark, dark time in mature-themed DC funny books; a time before Fables, Y: The Last Man, Losers, etc. Crappy nostalgia wank-off comics like GI Joe and Transformers ruled the racks with an iron fist — and you can bet your sweet ass that iron fist also had plenty of variant covers.
Anyway, thankfully, Vertigo lives on with some measure of success, and the 1980s nostalgia craze has dooded the bed…at least everywhere besides VH1. So, without further ado false believers, we present to you a little ditty my stripper ex-girlfriend likes to call: How DC Can Save Vertigo.
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2 Responses to “Recycled Claptrap”
November 7th, 2004 at 6:46 pm
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
4] Do they not think that they will be called to account?
[5] On a Mighty Day,
[6] A Day when (all) mankind will stand before the Lord of the Worlds
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
[53] Say: “O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful
54] “Turn ye to your Lord (in repentance) and bow to His (Will), before the Penalty comes on you: after that ye shall not be helped.
[55] “And follow the Best of (the courses) revealed to you from your Lord, before the Penalty comes on you - of a sudden while ye perceive not! -
[56] “Lest the soul should (then) say: `Ah! woe is me! in that I neglected (my Duty) towards Allah, and was but among those who mocked!’
[57] “Or (lest) it should say: ‘If only Allah had guided me, I should certainly have been among the righteous!
58] “Or (lest) it should say when it (actually) sees the Penalty: ‘If only I had another chance, I should certainly be among those who do good!’
[59] “(The reply will be:) ‘Nay, but there came to thee My Signs, and thou didst reject them: thou wast haughty, and became one of those who reject Faith!’”
[60] On the Day of Judgment wilt thou see those who told lies against Allah; their faces will be turned black; is there not in Hell an abode for the Haughty?
[61] But Allah will deliver the righteous to their place of salvation: no evil shall touch them, nor shall they griev
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
7] Those who sustain the Throne (of Allah) and those around it sing Glory and Praise to their Lord; believe in Him; and implore forgiveness for those who believe: “Our Lord! Thy Reach is over all things, in Mercy and Knowledge. Forgive, then, those who turn in Repentance, and follow thy Path; and preserve them from the Penalty of the Blazing Fire!
[8] “And grant, our Lord! that they enter the Gardens of Eternity, which Thou hast promised to them, and to the righteous among their fathers, their wives, and their posterity! for Thou art (He), the Exalted in Might, Full of Wisdom.
[9] “And preserve them from (all) ills; and any whom Thou dost preserve from ills that Day, on them wilt Thou have bestowed Mercy indeed: and that will be truly (for them) the highest Achievement
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
133] Be quick in the race for forgiveness from your Lord, and for a Garden whose width is that (of the whole) of the heavens and of the earth, prepared for the righteous.
134] Those who spend (freely), whether in prosperity, or in adversity; who restrain anger, and pardon (all) men; for Allah loves those who do good.
[135] And those who, having done something to be ashamed of, or wronged their own souls, earnestly bring Allah to mind, and ask for forgiveness for their sins; and who can forgive sins except Allah? And are never obstinate in persisting knowingly in (the wrong) they have done.
136] For such the reward is forgiveness from their Lord, and Gardens with rivers flowing underneath; an eternal dwelling: how excellent a recompense for those who work (and strive)!
http://quran.al-islam.com
http://www.al-sunnah.com
November 7th, 2004 at 6:47 pm
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
وَسَارِعُواْ إِلَى مَغْفِرَةٍ مِّن رَّبِّكُمْ وَجَنَّةٍ عَرْضُهَا السَّمَاوَاتُ وَالأَرْضُ أُعِدَّتْ لِلْمُتَّقِينَ الَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِي السَّرَّاء وَالضَّرَّاء وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ وَاللّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ وَالَّذِينَ إِذَا فَعَلُواْ فَاحِشَةً أَوْ ظَلَمُواْ أَنْفُسَهُمْ ذَكَرُواْ اللّهَ فَاسْتَغْفَرُواْ لِذُنُوبِهِمْ وَمَن يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُو617;هُ وَلَمْ يُصِرُّواْ عَلَى مَا فَعَلُواْ وَهُمْ يَعْلَمُونَ ُوْلَـئِكَ جَزَآؤُهُم مَّغْفِرَةٌ مِّن رَّبِّهِمْ وَجَنَّاتٌ تَجْرِي مِن تَحْتِهَا الأَنْهَارُ خَالِدِينَ فِيهَا وَنِعْمَ أَجْرُ الْعَامِلِينَ
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
133] Be quick in the race for forgiveness from your Lord, and for a Garden whose width is that (of the whole) of the heavens and of the earth, prepared for the righteous.
134] Those who spend (freely), whether in prosperity, or in adversity; who restrain anger, and pardon (all) men; for Allah loves those who do good.
[135] And those who, having done something to be ashamed of, or wronged their own souls, earnestly bring Allah to mind, and ask for forgiveness for their sins; and who can forgive sins except Allah? And are never obstinate in persisting knowingly in (the wrong) they have done.
136] For such the reward is forgiveness from their Lord, and Gardens with rivers flowing underneath; an eternal dwelling: how excellent a recompense for those who work (and strive)!
http://quran.al-islam.com
http://www.al-sunnah.com/
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَى أَنفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِن رَّحْمَةِ اللَّهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ وَأَنِيبُوا إِلَى رَبِّكُمْ وَأَسْلِمُوا لَهُ مِن قَبْلِ أَن يَأْتِيَكُمُ الْعَذَابُ ثُمَّ لَا تُنصَرُونَ وَاتَّبِعُوا أَحْسَنَ مَا أُنزِلَ إِلَيْكُم مِّن رَّبِّكُم مِّن قَبْلِ أَن يَأْتِيَكُمُ العَذَابُ بَغْتَةً وَأَنتُمْ لَا تَشْعُرُونَ أن تَقُولَ نَفْسٌ يَا حَسْرَتَى علَى مَا فَرَّطتُ فِي جَنبِ اللَّهِ وَإِن كُنتُ لَمِنَ السَّاخِرِينَ أَوْ تَقُولَ لَوْ أَنَّ اللَّهَ هَدَانِي لَكُنتُ مِنَ الْمُتَّقِينَ أَوْ تَقُولَ حِينَ تَرَى الْعَذَابَ لَوْ أَنَّ لِي كَرَّةً فَأَكُونَ مِنَ الْمُحْسِنِينَ بلى قَدْ جَاءتْكَ آيَاتِي فَكَذَّبْتَ بِهَا وَاسْتَكْبَرْتَ وَكُنتَ مِنَ الْكَافِرِينَ وَيَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ تَرَى الَّذِينَ كَذَبُواْ عَلَى اللَّهِ وُجُوهُهُم مُّسْوَدَّةٌ أَلَيْسَ فِي جَهَنَّمَ مَثْوًى لِّلْمُتَكَبِّرِينَ وَيُنَجِّي اللَّهُ الَّذِينَ اتَّقَوا بِمَفَازَتِهِمْ لَا يَمَسُّهُمُ السُّوءُ وَلَا هُمْ يَحْزَنُونَ
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
[53] Say: “O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful
54] “Turn ye to your Lord (in repentance) and bow to His (Will), before the Penalty comes on you: after that ye shall not be helped.
[55] “And follow the Best of (the courses) revealed to you from your Lord, before the Penalty comes on you - of a sudden while ye perceive not! -
[56] “Lest the soul should (then) say: `Ah! woe is me! in that I neglected (my Duty) towards Allah, and was but among those who mocked!’
[57] “Or (lest) it should say: ‘If only Allah had guided me, I should certainly have been among the righteous!
58] “Or (lest) it should say when it (actually) sees the Penalty: ‘If only I had another chance, I should certainly be among those who do good!’
[59] “(The reply will be:) ‘Nay, but there came to thee My Signs, and thou didst reject them: thou wast haughty, and became one of those who reject Faith!’”
[60] On the Day of Judgment wilt thou see those who told lies against Allah; their faces will be turned black; is there not in Hell an abode for the Haughty?
[61] But Allah will deliver the righteous to their place of salvation: no evil shall touch them, nor shall they grieve.
http://quran.al-islam.com
http://www.al-sunnah.com/
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
ولا تقربوا الزنى انه كان فاحشة وساء سبيلا
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
[32] Nor come nigh to adultery: for it is a shameful (deed) and an evil, opening the road (to other evils).
http://quran.al-islam.com
http://www.al-sunnah.com/
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
وَا لَّذِينَ لَا يَدْعُونَ مَعَ اللَّهِ إِلَهًا آخَرَ وَلَا يَقْتُلُونَ النَّفْسَ الَّتِي حَرَّمَ اللَّهُ إِلَّا بِالْحَقِّ وَلَا يَزْنُونَ وَمَن يَفْعَلْ ذَلِكَ يَلْقَ أَثَامًا ُيضَاعَف ْ لَهُ الْعَذَابُ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ وَيَخْلُدْ فِيهِ مُهَانًا إلا مَن تَابَ وَآمَنَ وَعَمِلَ عَمَلًا صَالِحًا فَأُوْلَئِكَ يُبَدِّلُ اللَّهُ سَيِّئَاتِهِمْ حَسَنَاتٍ وَكَانَ اللَّهُ غَفُورًا رَّحِيمًا وَمَن تَابَ وَعَمِلَ صَالِحًا فَإِنَّهُ يَتُوبُ إِلَى اللَّهِ مَتَابًا
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
68] Those who invoke not, with Allah, any other god, nor slay such life as Allah has made sacred, except for just cause, nor commit fornication, and any that does this (not only) meets punishment.
[69] (But) the Penalty on the Day of Judgment will be doubled to him, and he will dwell therein in ignominy,
[70] Unless he repents, believes and works righteous deeds, for Allah will change the evil of such persons into good, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful,
71] And whoever repents and does good has truly turned to Allah with an (acceptable) conversion,
http://quran.al-islam.com
http://www.al-sunnah.com/
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
وَقَالُوا لِجُلُودِهِمْ لِمَ شَهِدتُّمْ عَلَيْنَا قَالُوا أَنطَقَنَا اللَّهُ الَّذِي أَنطَقَ كُلَّ شَيْءٍ وَهُوَ خَلَقَكُمْ أَوَّلَ مَرَّةٍ وَإِلَيْهِ تُرْجَعُونَ
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
20] At length, when they reach the (Fire), their hearing, their sight, and their skins will bear witness against them, as to (all) their deeds.
[21] They will say to their skins: “Why bear ye witness against us?” They will say: “Allah hath given us speech, He Who giveth speech to everything: He created you for the first time, and unto Him were ye to return.
http://quran.al-islam.com
http://www.al-sunnah.com/
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
الَّذِينَ يَحْمِلُونَ الْعَرْشَ وَمَنْ حَوْلَهُ يُسَبِّحُونَ بِحَمْدِ رَبِّهِمْ وَيُؤْمِنُونَ بِهِ وَيَسْتَغْفِرُونَ لِلَّذِينَ آمَنُوا رَبَّنَا وَسِعْتَ كُلَّ شَيْءٍ رَّحْمَةً وَعِلْمًا فَاغْفِرْ لِلَّذِينَ تَابُوا وَاتَّبَعُوا سَبِيلَكَ وَقِهِمْ عَذَابَ الْجَحِيمِ رَبنا وَأَدْخِلْهُمْ جَنَّاتِ عَدْنٍ الَّتِي وَعَدتَّهُم وَمَن صَلَحَ مِنْ آبَائِهِمْ وَأَزْوَاجِهِمْ وَذُرِّيَّاتِهِمْ إِنَّكَ أَنتَ الْعَزِيزُ الْحَكِيمُ وَقِهِمُ السَّيِّئَاتِ وَمَن تَقِ السَّيِّئَاتِ يَوْمَئِذٍ فَقَدْ رَحِمْتَهُ وَذَلِكَ هُوَ الْفَوْزُ الْعَظِيمُ
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
7] Those who sustain the Throne (of Allah) and those around it sing Glory and Praise to their Lord; believe in Him; and implore forgiveness for those who believe: “Our Lord! Thy Reach is over all things, in Mercy and Knowledge. Forgive, then, those who turn in Repentance, and follow thy Path; and preserve them from the Penalty of the Blazing Fire!
[8] “And grant, our Lord! that they enter the Gardens of Eternity, which Thou hast promised to them, and to the righteous among their fathers, their wives, and their posterity! for Thou art (He), the Exalted in Might, Full of Wisdom.
[9] “And preserve them from (all) ills; and any whom Thou dost preserve from ills that Day, on them wilt Thou have bestowed Mercy indeed: and that will be truly (for them) the highest Achievement.”
http://quran.al-islam.com
http://www.al-sunnah.com/
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا تَتَّبِعُوا خُطُوَاتِ الشَّيْطَانِ وَمَن يَتَّبِعْ خُطُوَاتِ الشَّيْطَانِ فَإِنَّهُ يَأْمُرُ بِالْفَحْشَاء وَالْمُنكَرِ وَلَوْلَا فَضْلُ اللَّهِ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَتُهُ مَا زَكَا مِنكُم مِّنْ أَحَدٍ أَبَدًا وَلَكِنَّ اللَّهَ يُزَكِّي مَن يَشَاء وَاللَّهُ سَمِيعٌ عَلِيمٌ
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
21] O ye who believe! follow not Satan’s footsteps: if any will follow the footsteps of Satan, he will (but) command what is shameful and wrong: and were it not for the grace and mercy of Allah on you, not one of you would ever have been pure: but Allah doth purify whom He pleases: and Allah is One Who hears and knows (all things)
http://quran.al-islam.com
http://www.al-sunnah.com/
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
ألا يظن أولئك أنهم مبعوثون . ليوم عظيم . يوم يقوم الناس لرب العالمين
In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
4] Do they not think that they will be called to account?
[5] On a Mighty Day,
[6] A Day when (all) mankind will stand before the Lord of the Worlds
http://quran.al-islam.com
http://www.al-sunnah.com/