It’s been a little while since we’ve had 2 creators take each other on in an all-out online battle, but it looks like there may be trouble a-brewin’. The other day, Don Simpson (creator of Megaman) apparently sent out a somewhat smartass report of a recent R. Crumb gallery opening. For some reason, instead of just dealing with the show, Simpson decided instead to skewer Crumb and his notorious shyness and general lack of interest in social activites due to Crumb making a quick appearance at a $500 a plate dinner being held in his honor.

Subject of a retrospective at the 54th Carnegie International, R. Crumb and his entourage blew into Pittsburgh long enough only to put in some face time at a $500-per-plate Friday night gala. There, perplexed white-haired dowager-patronesses gawked and pointed, as professional art buyers advised them on adding a priceless Crumb to their collections. After nibbling at the rack of lamb and downing several glasses of costly champagne in succession, the aging cartoonist abruptly took his leave, pausing only long enough to examine the gigantic display of his licensed products that had pushed aside the Picasso postcards in the museum gift shop. Lawyers stood by, taking notes as the underground cartoonists apparently nitpicked the presentation for several minutes, before rushing out the door. Autograph seekers who had waited outside in the rain for hours were shunted aside by thuggish bodyguards as Mr. Crumb was whisked into a stretch limo. There, his escorts — three young call girls decked out in Milanese haute couture — obediently awaited, another bottle of champagne chilling on ice. Then, off to Crumb’s private jet, which was revved up and waiting on the tarmac. Gala attenders reported the 61-year old appeared “spry.”

It doesn’t stop there, as Simpson continues on for several more paragraphs, with numerous accounts of comments from fictional attendees, slamming not only Crumb’s work, but the man on a personal level as well.

Well, the next day, Fantagraphics co-founder Kim Thompson responded.

The day Don Simpson contributes one tenth of one percent to the world of comics what Robert Crumb has done (and continues to do) is the day one might — MIGHT — be tempted to take seriously rants like the ones Don’s been hammering away at here.

Crumb is a private, quiet man whose prominence in the field of comics and art brings on massive, continuous, unwanted attention. He is under no goddamn obligation whatsoever to sign anyone’s comics or chat with anyone, and which of his personal friends he chooses to see when and for how long is, emphatically, no one’s goddamn business but his own. (Good grief!)

In fact, I would say that Don’s supersonically shrill, nearly psychotic sense of entitlement vis-?-vis Crumb (carefully couched in sympathy for Crumb’s jilted fans, although it’s clear Simpson has just as much contempt for them as for Crumb) could be used as Exhibit A justifying Crumb’s reticence.

In other words: Robert Crumb probably acts the way he does in large part to avoid assholes like Donald Simpson.

Ladies and gentlemen, sit back and grab your popcorn, ’cause this looks like it just might be a good one…

Spread the word!