During the course of “praising” NBC’s “Heroes,” Harry Knowles exhibits once more why it’s a shame Hollywood takes him seriously and why the rest of society should probably maintain a safe distance from him. Seriously, this dude gives nerds and geeks from all corners of the pop culture map a baaaad name.

Hayden Panettiere, born August 21, 1989, now 17 (legal in Texas, which is important, because her character is in Odessa, Texas) as the character, Claire Bennett. She’s adorably cute, constantly in her cheerleader uniform.

Ok - now never mind that she fulfills the underage cheerleading limber blond virginal demographic. That’s pretty delicious.

But they gave her the ability to regenerate and resuscitate from any and all injuries.

This power has decided to manifest itself before she’s lost her virginity.

Which means - everytime she has sex, she’s a virgin as her hymen will repair itself. Meaning that everytime she’s fucked, its like she’s being fucked for the very first time.

…It’s my theory that do to the constant discomfort of virginal sex with men, her character will prefer the kind attention of her fellow sex. MEANING - she’ll be a hot, underage, cheerleading lesbian… for life.

Read the rest here, if you dare.

General, On the TV