Wherein we quickly take a crack at some of the latest trailers…because they’re usually better than the final product, anyway.

I AM LEGEND
December 14, 2007

Andrew: Wow — how long has someone been trying to make this movie now? Like a decade and a half? Anyway, I’m a sucker for anything remotely apocalyptic set in New York City (I’m counting early 80s stuff like Escape from New York, The Warriors, Wolfen, etc), so I was already conditioned to dig this trailer. Matheson’s story is one that deserves an upgrade over the watchable Charlton Heston unclassic Omega Man, and even though this director’s other film (Constantine) was decidedly mediocre, there’s some awesomely startling imagery in here.

Steve: There was a point in my life when I pretty much immediately wrote off anything the Fresh Prince was involved in, but over the last 5-10 years, Will Smith has become quite the decent actor and I’ve enjoyed a number of his movies. He’s also become a pretty enjoyable action star, so I’m always interested in his popcorn movie choices. As Andrew says, the imagery in the trailer is pretty damn striking and powerful, and the trailer itself is put together really well, leaving me with the inkling that this flick a shot at being pretty decent with some actual substance. I’m really looking forward to it.

WALL-E
Summer 2008

Andrew: Figured Pixar would get around to a robot at some point. This is a cute little teaser, and it’s definitely piqued my interest. Where the hell is this character? What is he doing? What could Pixar have in store for us? Is this going to be some kind of insane space epic? Setting the film in the Pixar pantheon is kind of self-righteous/weird (but something all studios — especially Disney — used to do back in the old school days), and the character’s voice is kind of predictable Short Circuit annoying. Still, if I was a kid, I would be flipping. the. hell. out.

Steve: It’s amazing that a “trailer” with such little information could garner as much excitement for the movie it’s ostensibly promoting as this one has. Sure, the robot voice could get a bit cloying over the course of a 90-120 minute film, but you gotta trust Pixar to know what they’re doing. Plus, any animated robot flick they produce has to be immeasurably superior to the horrible Robin Williams’ Robots mess that Dreamworks subjected parents to just 2 years back.

MR. MAGORIUM’S WONDER EMPORIUM
Thanksgiving

Andrew: Ugh. Ok, great idea, let’s make an insipid, unimaginative Willy Wonka meets Beetlejuice! It’ll be zany! The kids love zany! How derivative of when-Tim Burton-was-good is this? They even use the Pee Wee music for chrissakes! I’d move my personal rating of this up a notch if everyone involved (besides jason Bateman) didn’t looked so pleased with themselves. Natalie Portman update: still charmless.

Steve: I disagree about Portman being charmless - frankly, she’s the only thing the trailer has going for it. Everyone and everything else is going through the motions so stiffly it’s painful, but Portman genuinely seems to be enjoying the material. What that says for her taste in scripts, I don’t know, but dammit she looks cute as a button with that haircut. Even more concerning is that movie studios would give a trailer to AOL as an exclusive when the video looks as crap as this. Yuck.

RISE: BLOOD HUNTER
This is out now?!?

Andrew: Vic Mackey and sex symbol Lucy Liu star in a vampire movie with lesbian overtones and it’s completely thrown on the heap? Yikes. That should tell you something. For what it’s worth, this trailer is a complete steaming pile of wtf. Looks like somebody took the last seven years of horror movies and crammed them into a Red Shoe Diaries episode. Was this made like ten years ago or something?

Steve: There’s no way that this can be a good movie, but it has the potential to be a perfect Sick Day flick. Of course, it also has the potential to completely Uwe Boll up the place, but I have a soft spot for vampire movies so I’m already planning to cath a cold when this hits OnDemand. Judging by the complete lack of buzz and the thoroughly uninspired trailer, I figure that’ll happen by mid-August. Until then, I’m expecting a Bloodrayne, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a Tamara.

BRATZ
August 2007

Andrew: I was ready to ironically enjoy this, but there’s a lack of imagination at work in this derivative dull fest that is extraordinary to say the least. Another crass, exploitive money grab from Tinseltown’s shit factory. Wonderful. Doesn’t anyone want to surprise the general public by making the least amount of effort on these kinds of things? God bless any parent who gets dragged to this because the tween twarget audience doesn’t know any better. Bring the booze along, mom and dad!

Steve: The most telling - and surprising - thing about the Bratz trailer is the fact that even Hollywood seems to understand that you can only market the slut look to tweenage girls. When I’d heard the movie was being made, I assumed that it would follow in the footsteps of the direct to DVD cartoons that have been cluttering the shelves at Toys R Us the last few years, but apparently once you dress actual girls in the outfits the dolls wear, it’s not so easy to market to parents. Either way, this looks like a completely harmless and toothless hodgepodge of past teen flicks that would be more comfortable on the Disney Channel or ABC Family than the big screen.

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