McClane VS Prime


#10 - McClane is highly resourceful, like a MacGyver of violence. He uses everything — EVERYTHING — in his environment to his advantage. Optimus Prime: huge robot with giant gun. Zzzz.

#9 - McClane gets the job done on his own. Sure, Sam Jackson was kind of helpful in Die Hard 3, and sometimes others take care of random bs details, but McClane is a one-man army. Optimus Prime has a whole cadre of useless clowns like Jazz and Bumblebee tagging along.

#8 - McClane hates hates hates his enemies with a righteous anger, and proves this by taking them down for good. Prime feels pity for Megatron, which is why Megatron is still running around. Side note for further discussion: Megatron — actually more awesome than Optimus Prime?

#7 - McClane is actually successful at getting shit done, permanently. Prime and the Autobots are lucky enough to win battles, but will never win the war.

#6 - John McClane is secure in his manhood and age. He’s bald and older and he’s fine with that. Optimus Prime felt that he needed to get a flaming paint job in order to be “cool” and “xtreme rad” for today’s kids.

#5 - John McClane doesn’t need need to waste his downtime performing in PSAs teaching kids nonsense about “girls being able to skateboard too.” Here’s the lesson McClane has for America’s youth: get in, blow up the bad guys, if they shoot you, shoot them even more. T. C. O. B.

#4 - McClane fought Starscream. And lived.

#3 - When McClane gets shot, he gets pissed and kills more bad guys. When Prime gets shot, he coughs and hands the Allstar Box over to Judd Nelson.

#2 - Optimus Prime has no sense of humor. Although he might be ticklish. We’re not sure.

#1 - He’s John F*&king McClane

Conceived and written by Steve and Andrew while watching The Smurfs and drinking Old English.

General, WebCrack, Movie/TV, Comics, Animation