Hello, fellow poor bastards! Welcome to the first collectors-item-foil-cover-mint-on-card-
chase-figure installment of Comic Collector Of The Recession.

With the U.S. economy sinking further and further into the clogged septic tank of the earth and gas and food prices skyrocketing, what’s a comic reader to do? Where can they go for the cheap thrills and pulp entertainment of the 4-color fix? Stop hustling for blow jobs, silly, and get thee to a Dollar Bin!

Ah, the dollar bin: where there are so many fine gems and vast treasures from comic book ages past to uncover. In this column I’ll reveal to you the many cheap wonders and low-budget worlds I’ve found in my lazy, half-assed travels.

Screw you Secret Invasion! Up yours Final Crisis! I’ve got f%$king mouths to feed!

The Perpetrators:
Writer - Michael Uslan
Artist - Ricardo Villamonte
DC Comics

The Plot:
Ancient prince/barbarian with an awesome skull helmet randomly fights dudes and evil monsters.

The Deal:
It’s 1975 and DC desperately needed another title (along with Warlord, Claw, Stalker, Starfire, Nightmaster, and Tor…) to compete with Marvel’s then-hugely popular Conan book. How about a comic inspired by the legendary British hero who fought and defeated Grendel and Grendel’s moms? Better yet, subtitle it “Dragon Slayer” even though there are no dragons or slaying of them contained therein. Sounds good. It was canceled after six issues.

The Verdict:
An atmospheric, straight-faced sword and sandal slugfest with some excellent art best read while listening to Kamelot, Mastodon, or Dio-era Sabbath.

The Dialogue:
“The world-candle turns to BEOWULF, boon of the GEATS! He swings his SWORD — his IRON-KILLER lord! His might EXPLODES across this BLUE-ORB earth, as ROSY-FINGERED dawn brings peace to the land of his BIRTH!”

The Moment:
The last panel on page 11 where Beowulf unironically punches a woman in the face.

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