With people wildly predicting a $200m weekend, a $1 billion gross, Oscars, and giving it four/five star reviews all over the place, I think it’s safe to say that The Dark Knight is officially the most overhyped and already overrated film of the year, which has to be some kind of record. Kudos to the folks at Warner Brothers marketing. This was a very well played campaign. One of the best we’ve seen in a long time, actually. Some people over there deserve a raise/bonus/something or other for getting this event all up in our collective grills 24-7.

I legitimately hope this flick is good, but, let’s be honest, how could this possibly live up to people’s expectations at this point?

Seriously, after scouring just a tiny corner of the net, here are just a few of the things people are predicting The Dark Knight will accomplish — well, accomplish beyond making a bunch of people enormously rich:

  • cure cancer, AIDS, blindness, Alzheimer’s, and herpes
  • discover an alternative energy source
  • travel through time to assassinate baby Hitler
  • build the first terraforming colony on Mars
  • lead the human race towards spiritual nirvana
  • reverse the spin of the Earth and undo all natural disasters from the last decade
  • help underprivileged orphans skip to the front of the iPhone lines
  • raise Atlantis, solve the mystery of the Bermuda Triangle, defeat the Yeti, and find Amelia Earheart
  • call back to Earth our extraterrestrial forefathers who will evolve the human race to the next step of existence
  • improve the original Coca-Cola recipe
  • erase the Star Wars prequels from our collective pop culture memory
The Dark Knight is here — WELCOME TO A BETTER WORLD.


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General, Movie/TV, Comics, In The Theaters