Welcome to the first installment of Games From The Crypt, where I go backpacking through the nostalgic depths of the Nintendo Wii’s Virtual Console — home to vintage games from the NES, SNES, Nintendo 64, Sega Genesis, Turbo Graphix 16, and NeoGeo — see what hidden treasures or ghoulish abominations are buried there, and report my findings.

First up: the Nintendo 64 classic, Star Fox 64.

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So says JoBlo, quoting an article in Ad Age:

In a throwaway line at the end [an] article discussing snatch crazed fauteur Brett Ratner’s launch of “Brett Ratner Brands”, “a consultancy to help brands infuse entertainment and culturally relevant ideas into their marketing strategies,” they mention the following: “He also mentioned that he might be working on a movie adaptation of the video game “God of War.”

We can be happy that it’s not Uwe Boll, but Ratner? I guess at the end of the day, the guy’s track record for making money outweighs his track record for making shitty movies.

My pick for this would easily be Guillermo Del Toro, though I’d also like to see David Jaffe (not a director, but he created God of War and is essentially a very talented guy) given the chance, since no matter what, a film adaptation will probably suck either way.

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I’d never heard of this game until today, but MadWorld is apparently an ironically-ultra-violent Wii exclusive being developed by Sega, slated for a Christmas 2008 release. Here’s the teaser trailer, with a description from Gaming-Age below.

Madworld is an inventive third-person action game exclusively for Wii. Produced by Atsushi Inaba, Madworld has a unique black and white style, depicting an incredibly sharp backdrop that straddles graphic novels and 3D worlds. As players battle opponents, they must master the use of various weapons and items found within their environment, such as chainsaws and street signs, while entertaining sports commentary adds to the third-person gameplay. With its irreverent humour and over-the-top violence, Madworld will deliver a unique core gaming experience currently missing on the Wii system.

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ThinkGeek has a Japanese-import Wii game for sale called Super Pii Pii Brothers, a “virtual peeing” game which apparently “…promotes good bathroom skills and allows women to experience for the first time the pleasure of urinating while standing.”

Uh…

Video also courtesy of ThinkGeek:

Thanks to Tae for the link!

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Heralded as the death of gaming by paranoid game nerds everywhere, Wii Fit is, in a sense, the spiritual successor to Wii Sports: it’s Nintendo’s latest anyone-can-play title, an exercise game complete with a brilliant new “controller,” the Wii Balance Board, which will wow casual gamers and continue making the Wii near impossible to find. With an $89.99 price tag, it ain’t cheap, but I’m happy to say that this is a pretty amazing product, well worth the price, even if it’s not perfect. (Exercise and controller impressions after the jump.)

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Dan went to pick up a copy of the newly-released-today Wii Fit at the Nintendo Store in midtown this morning on his way to work. And what did he and his camera phone run into? Because this is NYC, a big ass line, of course. Do they ever NOT have lines at this place?

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Fun list over up on Yahoo! Games (am I allowed to use that many prepositions in a row…?): the 10 Worst Game Sequels Ever.

And we’re not talking lackluster franchise installments like Final Fantasy VIII or Super Mario Sunshine. OH NO. These are games that physically killed franchises. Murdered them and drank blood from their shattered skulls. Let the bloodletting begin.

Por ejemplo:

Spyro: Enter the Dragonfly

The Little Purple Dragon That Could came out of nowhere to become one of the brightest stars in Sony’s galaxy, enjoying three successful outings on the original Playstation. But when ace developer Insomniac bailed out, Sony sold the rights to Universal, who very nearly slayed the good-hearted dragon by foisting this abysmal effort onto an unsuspecting public. Horrendous frame rate problems, laughable sound glitches, game-ending crash bugs and a nigh-incomprehensible plot ruined both Spyro’s PS2 debut and his chances at becoming a lifelong Sony mascot. Burned.

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This made me laugh. Spotted this dead 360 sporting the notorious “Red Rings of Death” at a Toys R Us in Staten Island (by The Mall, for any locals out there). Nothing inspires consumers to buy your $350 product like a broken display unit!

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